Whole Foods has come under fire yet again after a sting operation by the department of consumer affairs uncovered some very dicey pricing techniques.

The NY Daily News reported that investigators found 80 different items that were labeled incorrectly. DCA Commissioner Julie Menin said “it was the worst case of overcharges that they've ever seen.”

Now, joint CEOs Walter Robb and John Mackey have released a video apology that's basically the equivalent of:

With a combination of painfully 'casual' language and casually slipped-in marketing plugs, this might be the 'best' non-apology we've seen in a while.

Here are the highlights:

1. “Straight up, We made some mistakes and we wanna own that.”

Image credit: Screenshot
Screenshot

Translation: Yo, I'm not some head honcho looking to scam you out of cash and pad my pockets — I'm a cool guy! Think of me not as a C.E.O., but a C.E.-Bro.

 

2. “These mistakes have to do with...our fresh products. We're making sandwiches, or making fresh juices, or having cut fruit....”

Image credit: Screenshot
Screenshot

Translation: Here at Whole Foods we offer exceptional fresh food. Remember, guys? Remember?

 

3. “We're bringing in a third party auditing system so we can see if we're making progress....”

Image credit: Screenshot
Screenshot

Translation: An undisclosed group of anonymous people who we may or may not have ties with will do something we won't exactly disclose to you. But, it'll be effective!

 

4. “If for any reason you think there's a mistake in our fresh products, ask the cashier to check in on it, and if there's a mistake, that's not in your favor, we promise to give you that item for free.”

Image credit: Screenshot
Screenshot

Translation: If you don't realize you're overpaying, it's not on us! Whee!

Both Mackey and Robb promise to read and personally respond to all email complaints and/or feedback and can be reached at [email protected]

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