Hold onto your roses and raise your champagne flutes, everyone. It's that time of year again.
The Super Bowl of Dating Shows is back and better than ever. Dallas lawyer and all around go-getter, Rachel Lindsay, is back at the helm of this season's “The Bachelorette.”
Lindsay was initially eliminated after a heartbreaking elimination on last season of “The Bachelor” featuring “Dancing With The Stars'” very own Nick Viall.
For those who don't know, the dating show, which is currently in its 13th season, presents 31 very eligible bachelors in hopes that, after the end of several weeks of filming, one very lucky man-testant will get down on one knee and propose.
On Wednesday, ABC released the slate of men who will be vying for Lindsay's heart. And it looks like they have one thing in common – they're all kinds of garbage. The contestants' individual Q&As showcase unique, and in most cases, really, really embarrassing confessions about dating, sex, and in one case, tickling.
But talk is cheap. Am I being too harsh? Let's check out some of the most bizarre answers, and you can decide.
Presented in alphabetical order:
Adam, Real Estate Agent:
Q: What is the most romantic present you have ever received and why?
A: Threesome. It was my birthday.
Love isn't dead, people.
Alex, Information Systems Supervisor:
Q: What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
A: Ate a live salamander
Blake E., Aspiring Drummer:
Q: Who is the person you dislike most in the world and why?
A: Parking ticket people, because they don't have souls.
Brady, Male Model:
Q: Describe your top 3 least favorite things to do on a date?
A: Paying for everything, saying goodnight, getting an Uber that doesn't speak English.
A respectful, not-sarcastic-at-all, gentleman.
Q: What's your biggest date fear?
A: The chick is actually a dude.
Q: What does being married mean to you?
A: I think marriage is an institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs. That said, when I get married, it's a life-long commitment.
Diggy, Senior Inventory Analyst:
Q: Tell us a fun story about a one night stand.
A: I spent all day with this girl and she ended up coming home with me and we had sex. She then received a text saying her brother was missing, so I played asleep so I didn't have to help!
Jonathan, Tickle Monster:
Q: Tell us about when you lost your virginity – or if you haven't yet, why?
A: With my ex-wife. Pretty uneventful.
These are just the tip of the iceberg.
Full Q&As, including photos, locations, and other...baffling answers can be found here.
Fans on Twitter have called the gaggle of men everything from “lunatics” to “sociopaths:”
The Hollywood Reporter confirmed earlier Thursday that Lindsay is engaged to one of the 31 men; fingers crossed it's not the “tickle monster.”
We'll just have to wait to tune into the May 22 premier and see.