Trump Launches ‘Real News’ Channel to List His Accomplishments, Then Can’t List Any

Donald Trump’s daughter-in-law, Lara Trump, who is married to the president’s son, Eric, has a new job: reporting the real news to America on the president’s Facebook page.

Let’s just dive right into this piece of propaganda with production values somewhere between a hostage video and something you shot at your low-end college TV station in the early 1990s:

“Hey everybody, Lara Trump here. I bet you haven’t heard about all the accomplishments the president had this week because there’s so much fake news out there.”

Oh God. Yes, the president’s new foul-mouthed communications director trashing his co-workers on the record in the New Yorker and the press secretary and the chief of staff both resigning in protest does tend to crowd out news of other accomplishments. Unless they are something big, like curing cancer. Did President Trump cure cancer this week? Because even I would be mad at the media for not reporting it:

“First up this week, let’s talk about the president’s salary. Again, the president has donated his salary. His first-quarter salary went to the Parks Department … “

Whoa, that should make Leslie Knope very happy:

“His second-quarter salary has now been donated to the Department of Education. Again, this is a president who is putting America before himself. I’m so proud of that.”

The president’s first-quarter salary of $78,333 won’t quite make up for the $1.5 billion in cuts his administration had just proposed to the Interior Department, which oversees the Parks Department. His second-quarter salary of $100,000 won’t quite make up for the $9.2 billion in spending cuts to education in his budget request. But thanks?

She continued:

“The unemployment rate is at the lowest point it has been since 2001.”

Continuing the downward trend that began in 2010 as the country tried to pull itself out of the Great Recession. Thanks, Obama!

Oooh, stock market:

“The Dow hit an all-time high this week. The stock market is up, the economy is booming, ladies and gentlemen. And, jobs! There have been almost 800,000 new jobs created in this country since Donald Trump took office in January.”

Again, these are upward trends that began early in the Obama administration as the Great Recession ended. This past December was the 75th straight month of job growth under Obama, which set a record. Trump has just been the beneficiary of a few months of solid but not spectacular growth that would have continued regardless of who occupied the Oval Office.

Trump keeps bragging about economic numbers, and it takes a few seconds to show that, if we must go by these metrics, Obama keeps beating him. No matter what:

“And speaking of jobs, Foxconn is a company who has promised up to 13,000 new manufacturing jobs in Wisconsin. This goes back to the president’s campaign promise of bringing manufacturing back to the is country. We’re seeing it happen right now.”

About those Foxconn jobs — there is less there than meets the eye. And Lara Trump should really talk to the workers in that Carrier plant the president bragged about saving a few months ago. Things are working out considerably less well for them.

Then, there was this:

“The president went out of his way this week to give a special honor to some very special people. The Medal of Valor was given at the White House to the men and women who heroically saved lives during the congressional baseball shooting.”

This one should make everyone angry. First of all, ceremonial bestowing of medals is one of the easiest duties a president has. He literally just has to stand there, say a few words, and place a medal around someone’s neck.

Second of all, “out of his way?” The ceremony took place in the White House where Trump lives and works. What, is the East Room that huge a detour for him on his way from the Oval Office to the Situation Room?

And more:

“Also this week, the president got to meet with ICE and NYPD officers to talk about cracking down on MS-13 gangs.”

First of all, the NYPD pointedly skipped Trump’s big speech in the killing fields of Long Island. Second of all, police departments across the country immediately denounced his speech for advocating police brutality against accused suspects, something that would violate their civil rights.

Okay, we’re out. Can’t wait for next week’s installment of the Real News!

What do you think?

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