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Dennis Michael Miller (born November 3, 1953) is an American political commentator, stand-up comedian, talk show host, writer, and former sportscaster.
Not who you're looking for? Others named Dennis Miller: Australian actor · American football coach · New Zealand Paralympian · American politician
“[T]he man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the news, Simmons sadly responded, "You mean I'm not going to prison?"”
“The Pentagon admitted the Iraqi was never given an identification number and that the Red Cross was never notified about his capture. However, [Defense Secretary] Donald Rumsfeld claims the prisoner has been treated in accordance with Geneva Conventions, including regular conjugal visits with his favorite goat.”
“Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw this guy. ... [He's a] bad guy.”
“South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!”
Quotes via Wikiquote (CC BY-SA), each with its original source.
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