Plot
In the year 10,001 B.C., a caveman runs away from a predator through a plain and immediately gets into a fight with Wolf. After defeating him, the caveman then encounters the predator, a saber-toothed, gasoline-drinking Amy Winehouse, who informs him that the world will end on August 29, 2008, and that their fate lies in a Crystal Skull.
The sequence is then revealed to be a dream of everyman Will in the present day. He then finds out that his girlfriend Amy is having an affair with Flavor Flav, and she breaks up with Will because he is not admitting his true feelings for her.
Later that day, Will has a "Super Duper Sweet Sixteen" party at his house, despite being 25. The guests include Juney, Dr. Phil, Will's best friend Calvin, and Anton Chigurh, among others. During the party, Amy arrives with her new boyfriend, a Calvin Klein underwear model. The party then comes to a halt when the room shakes and the lights go out. A bulletin on the radio claims there is a meteor shower and it is the end of the world. Soon after, the city starts to freeze over, and Will, Juney, Calvin, and Calvin's girlfriend Lisa retreat to a garage for shelter. When Juney mentions that the calamities are caused by global warming, Will realizes his dream as a caveman could be related. Later, Will is chided by the others for not committing himself to his relationship with Amy.
The gang leaves the garage and Will gets a call from Amy, where he admits his feelings for her before the call is dropped. He decides to go to rescue Amy. Lisa is later killed by a meteor. While the others comfort a distraught Calvin, Giselle, a prostitute, climbs out of a manhole and gets hit by a taxi. Calvin catches her, and they immediately fall in love with each other. Giselle's pimp, Prince Edwin, challenges Calvin to a dance fight for her love, but a tornado appears and Prince Edwin flees. Iron Man, Hellboy, and the Hulk attempt to fight it, but all are defeated by cows thrown by the tornado. After taking shelter, Will, Juney, Calvin, and Giselle encounter rabid knockoffs of Alvin and the Chipmunks, who attack the gang and eat Juney alive, killing both her and her unborn baby in the process. The "Chipmunks" then go after Will and Calvin, but they trap them in a trash can, fatally suffocating them as they attempt to escape.
On their way to the museum where Amy is trapped, the group runs into Batman, who informs them that they must go to evacuation buses and that there will be no chance of survival if they go to save Amy. With time against them, Princess Giselle kills Speed Racer, and the group hijacks his Mach Five, which contains Michael Jackson and Bubbles in the trunk, to drive to the museum. At the museum, they save Amy, who reveals that the Crystal Skull is the only thing that can stop the end of the world. Calvin and the Princess then find that the museum doors are closed and all of the artifacts have come alive, including Po from Kung Fu Panda, who fist-fights and duels Calvin but is then defeated. When Calvin makes out with the Princess, Calvin accidentally pulls her wig and discovers that she is actually a transvestite. While this happens, "Po" takes out a katana and simultaneously kills Calvin and the Princess.
Meanwhile, Will and Amy run into a nude Beowulf, who fights with Will. After Amy stabs "Beowulf" in the back, Will and Amy encounter Indiana Jones, who is revealed to be Will's father. "Indy" tries to put the Crystal Skull on the altar, but he flies through a stained glass window in the room. Will does it instead, and he averts further destruction. Will and Amy have a wedding ceremony performed by "The Guru Shitka", which ends with a musical number about all of the characters in the film dating each other (having sex in the unrated version) parodying "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" by Sarah Silverman and the film closes with the "Chipmunks" getting crushed to death by a falling cow before the credits start to roll.
