Garrison Keillor

• “God writes a lot of comedy, Donna; the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.”

• “Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.”

• “One day Donald Trump discovers that he is owned, lock, stock, and roulette wheel, by Lutheran Brotherhood, and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.”

• “To the cheater, there is no such thing as honesty, and to Republicans the idea of serving the public good is counterfeit on the face of it — they never felt such an urge, and therefore it must not exist.”

• “If the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it's no longer the United States of America as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them.”

• “That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”

Quotes via Wikiquote (CC BY-SA), each with its original source.

Garrison Keillor across IJR