The former co-founder of the South African Satanic Church has renounced his affiliation and is speaking out about why he did.

In a Facebook live video captioned, “Why/How did I leave The SA Satanic Church (and turned my back on Satanism),” Riaan Swiegelaar explained his reasoning for making the video. He said he had “more than 100 people” on various social media platforms sending him messages wanting to know why he left the South African Satanic Church and why he turned his back on Satanism.

Swiegelaar said that he initially thought that he would “slip out the back door quietly” because he did not think that people would be that interested as to why he left.

Swiegelaar shared his background and what actually led him to Satanism because he felt that it was “important to the narrative” and important to give some context.

“So I got involved with Satanism because at the time it resonated with me. Being very broken and being very sad without realizing it and I think the reason a lot of people resonate with Satanism is they come from a very broken place,” he said.

Swiegelaar said that he has made “thousands of Satanists” over the last three years and that they are “extremely broken” and “extremely hurt” which is one thing they all have in common.

In the Bible, John 13:35 says, “By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

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Swiegelaar shared that he has “never known unconditional love in my whole life” and that “up to today” there have been only four Christians in his life who have shown him what unconditional love is and expressed his gratitude toward them.

Watch the video below:

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While speaking, Swiegelaar got emotional and said, “To show someone love is everything. It’s not a simple thing.”

“You have showed me everything. You have shown me the love of Christ. I’ve seen it in you,” he said.

Swiegelaar said that they showed him unconditional love in a time when he was “a monster” and an “ugly person” where he would take Christians on.

In the middle of May, Swiegelaar said he did his last interview for the South African Satanic Church not knowing that that would be his last radio interview. In the interview, Swiegelaar said he proclaimed that he didn’t believe in Jesus Christ and that he didn’t believe that Jesus Christ exists.

After the interview, Swiegelaar said a woman working at the radio station came to him and hugged him and held him in a way that he has “never been loved.”

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Swiegelaar said that a week later he discovered through a status on WhatsApp that that same woman was also a Christian.

“I couldn’t believe it because I never had a Christian do that. I’ve never experienced a Christian showing that much love acceptance unconditionally,” he said.

Swiegelaar said that after the interview he had to do a ritual by himself to see what the next step was.

“How do I get more power? More influence?” He said.

Swiegelaar said that during the ritual Jesus Christ appeared to him.

“I said, if you are Jesus, you need to prove it. And he flooded me with the most beautiful love and energy, and I recognized that immediately because the woman at the radio station showed that to me. That’s how I recognized the love of Christ. Because four Christians showed it, not the others,” he said.

Swiegelaar revealed that even when he was in Christian ministry almost 20 years ago, he never knew that kind of love up until “a month or two ago.”

Swiegelaar said that for the last month that he has been “having real conversations with God.”

He added: “When you experience it, it is something different. And again I’m not here to attack people, but I want to get a few things off my chest. I have for a long time believed that I am not worthy of God’s grace because I’m gay and because I have certain abilities. So people made me believe for a very long time I’m not worthy of that. Let me tell you something today, the kingdom of God is not a gated community. The kingdom of God is open to everybody. It’s called grace.”