Biden Speaks At DC Conference

Well, well, well. Joe Biden is back at it — and by “it,” I mean yelling into the void while somehow managing to confuse half his staff’s names and half the country’s patience. On Friday, Biden accepted an award in Washington, D.C., from the Victory Institute, proudly declaring his administration the “most LGBTQ+ inclusive in U.S. history.” That’s right — that’s the headline achievement. Not border security, not lowering inflation, not restoring law and order, not even tackling the economy. Nope. Rainbow representation takes the gold medal in the Biden Olympics.

Now, don’t get me wrong — representation is fine. But when you’re being handed awards in the middle of an economic slog, a global mess, and after running a border policy that looked like it was dreamed up by an open mic poet in Portland, maybe it’s time to read the room. Or maybe just read, period. Because Biden, as usual, had trouble doing either.

He told the crowd a familiar old tale — the one where he bravely got “in trouble” in 2012 for supporting gay marriage before Barack Obama. That’s the story he dusts off whenever he wants to remind people that he’s been a progressive hero since before it was cool. But the best part? It’s when he started screaming. I mean, we’re talking full grandpa-on-the-porch energy. Yelling, “Get up! Get up and fight back!” and then, hilariously, “It’s about protecting the Constitution!”

Protecting the Constitution? From what, Joe? A President who actually enforces immigration law? Trump is literally doing what the Constitution requires the executive branch to do — enforce the law. But Biden, whose team tried to invent a phantom Equal Rights Amendment by simply declaring it ratified (spoiler: it’s not), is suddenly our great protector of the founding document?

If a Republican got up and screamed like that, the media would call it an “insurrection.” If Trump said “Get up and fight back,” there would be entire panels on CNN debating whether it was coded fascist rhetoric. But when Biden does it? Oh, that’s just Joe being “passionate.” No concerns about inciting violence, no pearl-clutching from the MSNBC crowd. Just glowing reviews and more soft lighting on his Teleprompter-ready set.

But even the Teleprompter couldn’t save him this time. He went into one of his usual chants — the ones we all know by heart now — where he talks about remembering “who in the hell we are,” and insists “there’s nothing we can’t do,” before launching into his dramatic crescendo. Except this time, the crescendo hit a sour note. “We’re the United States of Amerigotit!” he yelled.